Dear Toronto,

Wow! I just never pictured you as having a crack-cocaine smoking mayor problem. In fact, you’re sorta mythical to me so I didn’t see you as having any problems at all. I remember people telling me that residents there didn’t even bother to lock doors, and I thought that was fascinating.

But fear not, you have someone to turn to in this crisis. No, not Olivia Pope, although she and the gladiators could probably fix this. You have [gasp] Washington, DC. Yep, the city of original crack-smoking mayor Marion Barry. They’ve been through it. You can lean on them for support and comfort in this uncomfortable and embarrassing time. You two could start a support group.

Oh wait. DC re-elected Barry years after the crack scandal, even placed him back on the city council. Hmm, they might simply be an enabler. Sorry about that.

Oh well, maybe Olivia Pope is your best bet after all.

Sincerely,

Canada’s shorts (aka the USA)

*This headline is totally fiction.